Hey Big Shot! You’re Less Important Than You Think You Are

Have you ever seen the slogan “I’m kind of a big deal”? It’s usually printed on a t-shirt at that tourist trap store that no one buys anything from. Funnily enough, whether we buy the t-shirt or not, the mantra is exercised so often in our daily lives, usually unbeknownst to us. We go through the motions of interacting with others, not giving a second thought to our mindset behind our actions. We avoid eye contact with strangers, act annoyed when someone in front of us in line takes too long, show up late to meetings, and ignore emails we don’t like. We’re wearing the “I’m kind of a big deal” t-shirt beneath our work clothes and we don’t even know it! But, unlike Clark Kent’s undergarment, this “secret” outfit is dangerous.

The principle of treating others as if they’re more important than you can be a struggle for us power hungry humans. Yet, the uber-successful individuals who practice this are applauded. We hear stories of their humility and graciousness towards others, and we want to exemplify them. A well-known millionaire chatting up a perfect stranger, who, in return, has no idea to whom they are speaking. The CEO asking the janitor how his day went on their way out of the office. The stories humanize these successful individuals and show a much larger glimpse into “who” they really are rather than “what they’ve done”.

It never ceases to amaze me how easy it is for people to become self-seeking, but observing it in our daily lives will ultimately help us combat the “I’m a big deal-itis”. I think it spawns from people forgetting how or where they got their start, or maybe a persistent desire to let others know what they’ve accomplished, or what their title is, or how much profit their business drove last year. It is nearly impossible to have a positive two-way conversation with these individuals. They always seem to have better ideas, make better choices, and have achieved better success.

Ranting about it isn’t going to change anything, so here are five surefire steps to help combat this polarizing of the self:

1. Consider Someone Else’s Time Greater Than Your Own – While some are immensely busier than others, we all are busy to an extent, and we all value our time (we should if nothing else). Instead of treating others as if they run on your schedule, treat their time as equally valuable. Make the most of it. Be on time. Thank them for taking the time to meet with you, regardless of the situation. This list is long.
2. Ask More Questions Than You Answer – Obvious exceptions here, but generally speaking, the two-way dialogue measures interest in a conversation. If you wanted to talk about yourself, just look in the mirror and have at it. Asking questions stresses an interest.
3. Listen – Actively. – Closely connected with the above is listening. We rarely know how to do it anymore. So concerned with giving an answer or an example, we miss the opportunity to hear what the other person is saying.
4. Apologize – Things happen to everyone. We run late, have emergency appointments, and need to reschedule. That’s life. Treating someone as if they’re expected to accommodate your life, is not. Say you’re sorry, and act like you care. When you don’t apologize for showing up 25 minutes late, you send the message that the other person had nothing better to do with their time.
5. Learn Your Manners – Just like mother used to say. Some of the simple things here for starters: be on time, say please and thank you, and ask for a request or favor, don’t demand it in a statement.

By starting with these five principles you can set yourself on a path of change. The funny thing about focusing on others more than yourself is that it is rewarding! People will like you more – crazy isn’t it? You will notice that by caring about others, they in turn care more about you. None of this is groundbreaking new information of course, just the simple fact that we’ve drifted too far into self-centeredness. Put on this new persona and it will take hold. The results will be good.